Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
