omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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