The maid of honor just puked.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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