Pregnant stripper...not hot.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
