does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
