You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
