My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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