I just threw up on my dentist
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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