When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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