first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
50% drunk capacity currently
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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