I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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