just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
