idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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