My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
