Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
