their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
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