Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I intend to get homeless drunk
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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