about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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