I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
