So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
