my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
