Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
