When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
