I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
