Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I see more hoeing in ur future
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