toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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