So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
