Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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