If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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