i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
