she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize