we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
