i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
