So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
