Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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