I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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