Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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