i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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