Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize