I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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