I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
