Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
