no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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