What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
