I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
