I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
