soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
