first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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