The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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