PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
