I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Randomize
