I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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