The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
