He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
