happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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