definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
