allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
