I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
