Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
