You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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