My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
