so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
