I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
