dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
