I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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