I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just found puke in my bra..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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