I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
