I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
