Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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