Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
