Sponge bath it is.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize