I think I died a long time ago.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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