Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
