its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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