no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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