You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
