this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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